Love in Every Drop: My Personal Relactation Journey

This blog is 7 months in the making. To tell you the truth, I didn’t write it before because there’s a level of transparency this post is going to have that I wasn’t sure I was ready to share outside my circle. Before I am a lactation professional, I’m a mother. In March of 2020, I made the decision to relactate. Relactation is the process of bringing back your milk supply. It’s something I’d read about and wantonly told parents “Sure, it’s possible” without ever really doing it myself. I want to pause here to say, you don’t have to personally relactate or induce lactation to know how to do it. There are many talented Lactation Consultants who can walk through the process with you. This post is simply about how I was able to personally connect with parents in this situation.

My Journey

When people ask me why I chose to relactate, I generally give them the answer that requires the least explanation, which is Covid-19. I believe wholeheartedly in the immune properties and protection of breastmilk. At the onset of Covid-19, it just made sense. But, the deeper reason was…. I missed breastfeeding. I exclusively pumped for SonShine from November 2017 (birth) to February 2019. Having an oversupply, I had milk stored so that he could have milk 6-8 times a day until January 2020. When I hung up my pump, it was bittersweet. He was still being breastfed (because pumping is breastfeeding and milk from the breast is breastfeeding), but the “break” I thought I so desperately wanted wasn’t all I thought it would be. I watched my rainbow baby, my only child grow leaps and bounds and become more independent by the day. I felt a little useless. I served a purpose before; for 2 years (9 months and the 15 I spent EPing) his life literally depended on me. It was a lot, but it was….. I was needed. My family and I drink cows milk. One day, SonShine asked for milk. I gave him a cup of cow's milk. He sipped it, looked up at me, handed me the cup, and said “No, I want milk.” “This is milk.” I followed him to the cabinet where I stored his cups, plates, and all food things for kids. He grabbed my flange. “I want milk.”

I had complained and rejoiced so much that I was done that I felt kind of foolish missing breastfeeding. I mentioned it to my husband, who seemed confused and perplexed that I wanted to start again.So, I let it go. So you see, Covid was just an excuse to relactate. I wanted to do it anyway.

I live in Virginia and at the onset of Covid-19, I received many messages from parents, wondering if breastmilk provided any immune protections, fearful of a formula shortage, just….. confused and afraid. I’d been a donor my first go round of breastfeeding and thought…. Why not? Although I was not able to donate to HMBANA milk banks (due to rules and guidelines), I was able to do some peer to peer sharing.

So, how’d I get started. That’s why you’re here right? Aight, so boom….

I knew I could relactate because I could still hand express drops. Yes, even after 13 months.

I began relactating on March 15, 2020. I had just returned from what would be my last in-person conference of 2020 (Lactation Consultants in Private Practice, LCinPP for short). I spent a weekend with some of my favorite LCs, specifically my dear friend Whitney Dula and her 6 week old little Biscuit. I think the fresh smell of baby got my oxytocin going. I came home and got out my Spectra S1, my 28mm flanges, collection bottles, and got to work. I was not as committed to relactating as many of my clients were and so, I won’t lie and say I followed my own advice and pumped every 2-3hrs around the clock. I pumped every 3 hours from the time I woke up until bed. That placed me at 6 pumps a day, with one of them being a power pump. My breasts were sore from the added stimulation and I only produced drops per day. I was using my Spectra S1 and purchased an Elvie for the hands free aspect. SonShine was now two and a half and home due to having a pre-existing condition that makes him part of the vulnerable Covid-19 population. I needed to be hands free with him running underfoot. I used the Elvie three times a day and during one power pump. The rest of the time, I used my S1. After a week of this, I decided to take my own advice and see an IBCLC. My good friend and mentor, Bryna Sampey, IBCLC, specializes in trans lactation (assisting transgender parents with their milk supply) and I thought, let me consult with her. She asked if I was familiar with the Newman-Goldfarb Protocol; I was. But, I needed clarification on exactly what it was I needed to do. Like the amazing IBCLC she is, she broke it down for me. I began taking birth control pills (MiniPill) to simulate the changes breasts experience during pregnancy. We decided that I’d like to do the Newman-Goldfarb Accelerated Protocol because Covid-19 had me freaked out. I increased my pumping schedule, staying at 6 times a day, but making TWO sessions power pump sessions.

*Note: The Accelerated Protocol recommends NOT pumping during this time. But, I don’t follow instructions. Not following instruction absolutely negatively affected the amount I was able to produce. Ok keep reading...*

There are other protocols that yield better results because you have longer preparation time, but I was impatient. I also began Domperidone. After 3 days, I had an allergic reaction and had to stop immediately. I went back to my IBCLC and she recommended Moringa, a common galactagogue. No reaction with that. After a month on birth control, I stopped that and was strictly pumping and taking Moringa. At my peak/after 1.5months, I was producing 11oz per day. I continued to pump and store for my son and peer sharing through July. In July, my supply began to drop. I experienced a pregnancy and miscarriage and after that, I didn’t have the motivation to continue.

Takeaways

Set realistic expectations. I had no idea what to really expect. Before, when I exclusively pumped, the process of breastfeeding was easy to track. Colostrum at this week. Mature milk by this week. Etcetera, etcetera. With relactating, there were so many unknowns. Is this enough for this timeframe? Should I be making more? Is it worth it? I was also used to an overabundant milk supply. When I relatacted, I produced a fraction of what I made before. It gave me a tiny bit of perspective into the countless parents and clients who struggle with making enough for their babies. But, I was so happy with my little 10-11 ounces per day, it may as well have been a gallon. I think the most important part was having someone to go through it with me. Bryna brought a perspective that, even with my education on the topic, was invaluable.

So, that’s it. That’s my relactation journey. This is one of my lengthier posts, but I hope you enjoy! 

Here’s a collection of my posts about it in real time from my personal Facebook page: 

https://www.facebook.com/saved/list/10101037738261729?isCollaborativeCollection=true 

These are DAILY totals, not per session.

Pumping while Working from Home

My dear friend Whitney and I have been going back and forth for an entire month about who was going to write this blog post. COVID-19 has knocked all of us on our butts and quite frankly, your favorite LPs (lactation professionals) are just as confused as you are. One thing we’re still figuring out is how to parent while in quarantine. Specifically……. How to make our scheduled pump breaks. Here’s 5 tips to navigate pumping while in quarantine.

Don’t.

If you're a nursing parent and are quarantined with your nursling, nurse them instead of pumping. If you have a spouse or partner, you can hand the baby off for diaper changes and settling after nursing sessions. Meetings can be scheduled around nursing times or muted when the baby is nursing. This eliminates the need to clean parts when there's already so much more going on. If you’re an exclusively pumping parent or need to offer a bottle during the day, by all means, pump. But, don’t pump if you don’t have to.

Take your regularly scheduled pump breaks.

If you would be given breaks in the office, you are entitled to them while working from home. You can set up your pump equipment in your home work space and take a little mental break. Or you can full stop and go into another room to pump. 

Hands free is the way to be.

Working from home presents a new set of challenges. Your children don’t understand that you're still working and can't watch themselves. If you’re like me, you’re balancing doing gainful work for your corporate job, while navigating the waters of your job as a parent. To free your hands up to cook meals, break up fights, or sneak food into your mouth, utilize a hands free bra. Don’t have one? Resist the urge to shop online and find an old sports bra. Cut two small holes where the nipple would be. I recommend starting with small holes and cutting as needed, so that you don't make them too big. 

If you can’t beat them, join them.

If you have a toddler like I do or older children, try pumping on the floor or in their play space. I know, this sounds like a bad idea. But the concept that you’re actually going to get 15-30 uninterrupted minutes away from your child or children is…. laughable. Sitting on the living room floor, where you’re on their level allows you to be engaged, as well as get those pump sessions in.

Ask for help.

Many of us have never lived through a pandemic. This is uncharted territory for us, as parents as as humans. If you have a partner that lives with you, employ their help. Allow them to handle tasks that they may not normally do or be present for. If you notice you begin to have issues with your milk supply, reach out for professional help. Many free organizations have gone virtual, just like many of us lactation professionals. Baby Cafe’s, La Leche League meetings, etc. are utilizing virtual platforms to connect parents and provide resources. Lactation Consultants are still offering virtual services. 

I hope to see you all on the other side of this thing will full milk supplies! 

Parenting Decolonized Podcast: Decolonizing Breastfeeding

A few months ago, I was a guest on a podcast episode, created by a friend and breastfeeding mom, Yolanda Williams of Conscious Parenting Time and the Parenting Decolonized Podcast . We had an amazing conversation about Black History in breastfeeding and how Black Parents are creating their own. Listen here!

On Our Own Terms

In my last blog post, we touched on the dark past of Black Breastfeeding in the United States. One of the painful parts of our past has been wet nursing. However, Black Moms are taking back their power and seeking to craft a new portrayal of the act; one birthed from a place of love, respect, and consent.

Donor milk sharing is nothing new. Organizations like Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HBANA), Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB), and Eats on Feets offer donor milk options. HM4HB and Eats on Feets offer informal milk sharing, also known as peer to peer milk sharing, while HMBANA mainly services NICUs, hospitals, and milk banks around the country.

Certified Lactation Counselor (CLC) Jimeika Brown of Mamma’s Golden Milk Lactation Services saw a need and created a space. She created Breastmilk Donation for Black Mothers, a peer to peer milk sharing Facebook group. The groups “About” section notes that it is a group for “Women of Color, who would love to give and/or continue to give their children breastmilk.”, also noting that they understand that some women “may need help continuing their breastfeeding journey with the help of donor milk.” Jimeika shares a story of a Black Mother she met who asked for donor milk in a predominantly White breastfeeding group. The group was a buy/sell/trade group and the Black Mom simply couldn't afford to buy it and had nothing to trade. “I saw screenshots. It was so heartbreaking. The way that they were speaking to her was like she was the lowest of the low because she couldn't afford to buy the milk. And it bothered me SO much, especially as a Black Woman. Because here’s a Black Woman asking a White Woman for breast milk… I mean, it’s bad enough we have to get over that barrier and feelings and trauma that we hold with that, but to shame her…” After that, Jimeika knew what she had to do. She created the group and purchased a few breastfeeding related items as giveaways, to encourage a sense of community in the group. “To see all of us helping each other….. And I wanted it to be about MORE than donation. There were moms who thought they suffered from low supply as well...” With her training as a CLC, Jimeika was able to get moms the resources they needed. 

That was in June of 2017. Two years later, Jimeika’s group is a safe haven for more than 2,500 Black Moms. 

As a Donor Mom myself, I’ve donated to multiple parents of all races and ethnicities. I was even granted the extreme honor and privilege of donating my milk to my niece, appropriately named, Love. Stranger or not, it was always an act of love. As an Exclusively Pumping Mom, I understood the mental and emotional toll breastfeeding can take. Add that to concerns about your child's health or how you were going to feed them, I could sympathize and empathize with these moms, known and unknown. I reached out in Breastmilk Donation for Black Mothers Group and asked some of the other moms, donors and donees alike, what their experience with milk sharing was like. 

“My first daughter spent 22 days in the NICU and passed. I donated because… she wasn't there and this was the only way I could…. be closer I guess. I also saw a 2lb baby and several others thriving from breast milk and I know how important it is. I have nursed three other babies. Recently, a friend asked me to help her feed her baby. They were both frustrated and she just asked me to feed him. It made me feel empowered and connected. A house full of people and no one flinched. With my friend, I felt really good afterwards because I was able to help her in that moment. I’ve also received donor milk because I had to go out of town abruptly. Dad kept saying not to worry, but that stressed me even more. When I got that milk it was like I could breathe again.” - Tai, Rainbow Mom of 5

“My twin girls were delivered premature at 34 weeks and they spent about a month in the NICU. When I realized I had an oversupply, I knew in my heart I wanted other NICU babies to have the best start possible, just like my girls.” [If you’ve ever nursed another baby at the breast, what inspired you?] “I don’t know about inspiration. I didn’t even give it a second thought. She was hungry and wouldn't take a bottle. It was a family member’s baby. I just knew it was what I would want someone to do if it were my child.” - Rachel, Twin Mom

“We were in a department store; Mom was frustrated and the baby couldn't get a good latch. I offered to help and she left me. We went to a dressing room and as I began to show her, we both noticed her baby’s cries had triggered MY letdown. She asked me if it would be too weird to nurse her baby. I obliged. She said she felt better that her baby was actually able to nurse and that they just needed to work on it. I felt happy to help and proud that we both saw milk sharing as normal and ok.” - Milliche, 3 Time Breastfeeding #GirlMom

For Black breastfeeding mothers, it's important that the story of mothering, of breastfeeding, of womanhood doesn't end with what you read in a history book (or what you don’t). It’s important that the story is told by those living it. It is important that the experiences of Black Women not be marginalized and our traumas not simply paraded out for Black History or Black Breastfeeding Week soundbites. 

It is important that you believe Black Women. It is important that you trust Black Women.

But for Black Women, it’s MOST important that we believe, believe in, and trust OURSELVES. 

We are not subject to Black History. We ARE Black History.

February 6, 2020 11:39am: edited to update infographic on Four Pillars. Proper attribution to Eats on Feets noted.

Intimacy Starts Before you Even Reach the Bedroom

Really? A sex post on a breastfeeding blog?

Absolutely! I mean, how do y’all think babies get here??

The body goes through many changes during pregnancy. Hormones peak and plummet and bodies are very different from when they entered this pregnancy. Many partners struggle to find a new normal or new routine when it comes to sex and intimacy. Exhausted Moms, Worn Out Dads, and Stressed Out Partners are navigating parenthood and life. While they may desire sex, let’s just be honest…. Ain’t nobody got time for that. But, making time could prove beneficial for you and your partner. 

During pregnancy, the placenta produces progesterone needed to sustain pregnancy. These levels are much higher than what women produce when they are not pregnant. After giving birth, and detachment of the placenta, progesterone plummets. However, Moms estrogen level doesn’t take a hit. This imbalance in hormone levels can directly affect a postpartum parents mood.

Understanding your partner’s love language and how it may change after childbirth is key. It’s key in not only communication, but also in fostering intimacy. Intimacy is defined as close, familiarity or friendship. For many women, sex and intimacy go hand and hand. Postpartum parents often feel vulnerable and overall unsure. Unsure of themselves, unsure of their body, unsure of their new family dynamics, etc. Honestly, sex is the last thing on their minds. We’re sleep deprived, we’re on edge, we can’t remember the last time we showered (or was that just me? Ok. Fine.) However, fostering that closeness can help get us get in that mood (after we’ve been cleared by our doctor. Don’t be out here being Fast and Nasty. That’s how you get Irish Twins). 

A love language is simply how your significant other receives and interprets love. For example, my love language is Acts of Service. I love when people do things for me. Their effort makes me feel that I am loved by them.  My husband’s is Words of Affirmation. He interprets love as you telling him you love him or things about him. My husband could buy me all the things or tell me he loves me 5,000 times a day. That is not how I receive love. And for him, if I don’t tell him with my words I love him or something he’s done, no matter how much I do for him, he will not feel loved. Not sure of what each other's love languages are? Take the test here.

 Here’s some tips to foster intimacy based on your significant other's love language.

If your significant other's love language is Acts of Service, having things done for them is how they receive and interpret love. Some things you can do for them are:

• Bring baby to them. This allows them to get comfortable for nursing or pumping, knocking one less thing they have to do off their plate. 

• Take baby after feeding and allow Mom to relax until next feeding

• Wash pump parts or bottles

• Do chores they normally did before without mentioning you did it

• Make dinner

• Make breakfast in bed

If Acts of Service is your partner's love language, they interpret the things you do for them as you caring and wanting them to relax. Anything you can take off their plate makes more space on the plate. Space for things like sleep and intimacy, both of which are at a premium as a new parent. These things help them feel appreciated and seen.

If your significant other's love language is Words of Affirmation, they interpret love as hearing it from you. Some things you can do for them are:

• Tell them they’re doing a great job at parenting

• Hold space for them

• Tell them they're doing a great job as a spouse

• Leave an encouraging note on the bathroom mirror

• Remind them to take time for themselves

Those whose love language is Words of Affirmation want to hear you say it. And the silence can often be deafening. These parents relish in you speaking life into them. They may know you love them, but they need to hear it. Reminding them verbally of how important they are, not just as a parent, but as a person, can nurture the communication and intimacy you both desire.

If your significant other's love language is Receiving Gifts, they interpret love as… receiving gifts. Some things you can do for them are:

• Book a postnatal massage

• Buy them their favorite snack

• Order in from their favorite restaurant 

• Buy them a gift and have it delivered without saying anything

• Frame their favorite picture of them or the two you and leave it where they can find it

Those whose love language is Receiving Gifts, it’s not the actual amount of the gift, it’s the thoughtfulness. They receive love by knowing you took time out of your day and thought to get them something they’d like. With them, it’s the thought that counts.

If your significant other's love language is Quality Time, they interpret love as time spent. Some things you can do for them are:

• Sit with them

• Go on a family walk together

• Plan a living room picnic

• Binge watch a show together and make a date of it 

• Come home for lunch

• Take them to lunch

Those whose love language is Quality Time enjoy just being with you. The busier you are, the fact that you carved out time for them makes them feel all the more loved. They don’t always need big heaps of time; something simple as lunch together says “I have some time today and I want to spend it on you”.

If your significant other's love language is Physical Touch, they interpret love as physical connection. Some things you can do for them are:

• Ask if they're up for physical touch

• Give them a back massage

• Random acts of affection

• Hold them while holding the baby

• Slow dance to your song

I saved Physical touch for last because this one can be tricky. New parents can feel touched out, so it’s important to always ask if they're up for a hug, hand holding, etc. Allow them to always invite the touches and ensure they aren’t always sexual in nature. They want to feel wanted and close, and if that leads to something else, well hey…...

Don’t be discouraged if the things you try aren’t immediately met with an overwhelming response or sex on the kitchen counter. Remember that this is a very delicate time for them. They need love and consistency. Parenting is hard; be kind to yourselves, and each other. 

Breastfeeding as an act of resistance for the Black Mother

Black History Month in the breastfeeding community is normally littered with posts and articles about the dark history of African American Breastfeeding in this country. I firmly believe that in order to understand where you are going, you must first understand where you have been. However, Black Mothers in today's society face a very different dilemma: actually being Black History.

We’ll start with the sordid history of Black breastfeeding women in America. Beaten and broken, then used as wet nurses for the children of slave owners. The children of these wet nurses were fed condensed or cows milk, that was prepared in filthy conditions. This history has cultivated a stigma and bias against what infant feeding should look like in African American families.

However, this has not deterred the rise of Millennial and Gen X parents in the Black Community. The Center for Disease Control Report Card, published in 2019, showed that only 74 percent of African American mothers had initiated any breastfeeding. By 6 months, the percentage of mothers exclusively breastfeeding drops to 27.1 percent. These numbers are up from previous years, at 69.4 and 17.2 percent respectively. According to the the American Academy of Pediatrics, breastfeeding protects against type 1 and 2 diabetes, as well as the likelihood of childhood obesity. The CDC lists diabetes as the number 6 killer of Black Men and the number 4 of Black Women (over all ages). Of African Americans aged 20 and over, 28.4 percent of men and 17.6 percent of women have been found to be obese. In our community, breastfeeding can truly be life or death. While it doesn’t preclude African Americans from these diseases, the advantage against them is something we most desperately need.

So, how is breastfeeding an act of resistance for the Black Mother? We must first define resistance. While not the most commonly used definition, resistance, in this case, is defined as “the ability not to be affected by something, especially adversely”.  And for Black Mothers in America, this is most certainly an act of resistance. Because of the traumas our ancestors faced, the majority of us simply did not grow up seeing mothers breastfeed. There weren’t many breastfeeding classes or clinics (this is still an issue in our community) and there was little familial support. I meet Black Mothers daily who still don’t know there's an entire profession dedicated to assisting parents in mapping and meeting their breastfeeding goals. Even if we remove all these obstacles, a study by Chapman University found that African American mothers are more likely to be offered formula in the hospital than any other demographic. The “whys” are still being researched, but those of us belonging to the African American community know exactly why: There’s this social construct that Black Women just don’t breastfeed. But….. why? Because after years of being forced to nurse children against our wills while ours were fed dirty formula concoctions and died, African American mothers did not pass the practice down to their children. Couple that with diminished resources in our communities and lactation care providers that don’t understand our cultural history and social makeup, you can see why becoming Black History is a dilemma.

Black Breastfeeding Mothers are making history. We are educating ourselves and slowly changing what a Black breastfeeding mom looks like. Sometimes, we are outright defying our support systems and significant others. Make no mistake; all the reasons for NOT breastfeeding and the trauma in our communities still exist. Lack of Black IBCLCs still exist. Lack of resources and evidence based support still exists. Defiant child care providers still exist. Many mothers find solace in online support groups, where like minded parents understand the difficulties of healing these traumas in our own families. Again, therein lies the dilemma. We’re in this unique position of changing our history, while navigating the uncharted waters of not only breastfeeding, but motherhood and womanhood ourselves. While it is not fair to ask this of Black Women, it is something we gladly take on. Because our history is only part of the story. We are writing the next chapter.

We ARE Black History.

A special thanks to fellow Black Breastfeeding Mama, Yolanda Williams of the Parenting Decolonized Podcast.

Want to hear our conversation on the topic? Liste here!

New Years Resolution 2020

As we enter 2020, I’ll admit, I had no resolutions. I didn’t even manage to get my “Year in Review” out in time (still haven't done it). We were 5 days into the New Year before I finally decided what my resolution is.

I’ve decided that this year, I will be more mindful of my professional recommendations and in my interactions with my clients. Yesterday, I was doing my monthly laundry sorting for my 2 year old. Once a month, I hang all his clothes as outfits so that Daddy and I can just grab a hanger and go. Also, I don’t have to worry about any creative Dad outfits that don’t match or are too small. Biweekly, I roll socks and t-shirts. This process just works for our busy lifestyles. On my personal Facebook page, I’m always sharing my parenting hacks, fails, and blunders; I’m pretty transparent that way. I wanted to triumphantly post that we’d survived another month of the Clothing Haul.

And then, I stopped.

Sorting your child’s clothing and only having to do it once a month is a GREAT IDEA….. For parents who have enough clothes for their child to do so. For parents who work as hard as I do or harder and have other responsibilities, it is completely insensitive and tone deaf.

My privilege was showing. And I began to wonder if my privilege shows in the way I practice.

And so, this year, my resolution is to keep mindfulness at the forefront of my practice. I want to be very cognizant of the evidence-based advice I’m sharing, while ensuring the counseling portion of it doesn’t get thrown by the wayside. In a country that does not offer mandated or paid maternity and paternity leave, evidence based guidance to not pump for the first six weeks postpartum does nothing to help that family when Mom has to return to work at 2 weeks. For a client who’s insurance doesn’t cover the cost of a visit and they are paying out of pocket, see a LC comes off as tone deaf. Let Daddy care for baby while you take time to relax is useless self care advice for a single parent. In cultures where family plays a huge roll, “tell them that you’re the parent!” does nothing, but add more stressed to new parents.

Used with permission from Kristin Cavuto, LCSW, IBCLC

I want to inspire my clients and assist them in whatever their goals may be. I want to provide best practice and evidence based research while applying it practically. I want to advocate for the working class and the non working class. I want to serve. The need for evidence based care does not negate the need for empathy, sympathy, and compassion based care. 

I believe that as lactation professionals, we have to hold ourselves to a certain standard. In order to affect change, we must be willing and able to serve. We must be willing to meet our clients exactly where they are and help them get to where THEY want to be, not where our education tells us they should or could be. I’d like to think that I'm a pretty good counselor and clinician. I listen to my clients, I’m open-minded and I walk in to every consult ready and willing to serve. However, that doesn’t mean there isn't room for improvement. And in 2020, I am reminded that I need to hold myself responsible for checking my privilege.

Demystifying Breast Milk Storage

I think milk storage comes so naturally to me because as an Exclusively Pumping mom, I had to figure that out before I began breastfeeding. In the beginning, it was relatively easy because all my milk was going in my SonShine’s belly. But, as the weeks progressed, and I could bank an extra oz or 2 a day, milk storage became the bane of my breastfeeding existence. For moms who don’t or didn’t have that experience, milk storage begins as this dragon. So, how DO you navigate the beast that is storing your precious liquid gold so that you maximize space, cost, time, and don’t waste any?

**I want to preface this post by saying, some people never freeze a milliliter of breastmilk. You don’t need a freezer or deep freezer full of milk to be successful at breastfeeding. All you need is to define your OWN level of success, be that one day or one year.**

To demystify breast milk storage, we must first start with the basics. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, breastmilk can be stored 6-8 hours at room temperature (up to 77 degrees), 8 days in the refrigerator (39 degrees or colder), 6-9 months in a freezer (0 degrees or colder), and 12 months in a deep freezer (-4 degrees or colder). 

A lot of the confusion comes because this doesn’t tell you about transitions. Transitions could be from work fridge to home to home freezer. From the night stand to fridge and back out. Or from a freezer to a deep freezer and when these timelines begin.

Transitions

When transporting milk from work, school, or being away from baby, it is still good at room temperature for 6-8hrs. If utilizing a cooler bag with ice packs, the milk is still good inside that cooler pack with the ice pack for 24hrs. 

You don’t need to put it on ice to transport from work/school to home, as long as you refrigerate it within 6-8hrs (8hrs would be pushing it). When transitioning milk from the fridge to the freezer or deep freezer, the date it was expressed is the date that goes on the bag/container. And that date begins the “timer” for how long that milk is good for consumption.

If you have milk in a freezer and decide to move it to a deep freezer, the timeline is still based off that original date. For example, if I pumped a bag of milk on October 10, 2019 and placed it in the freezer on October 15, 2019, that milk is good in the freezer until July, 10, 2020 (9 months). If I decide on January 10, 2020 to move that milk to the deep freezer after it was in the freezer for 3 months, it’s now good until October 10, 2020). 

Labeling

When labeling milk that will be for the refrigerator and used within those 8 days, you can use a piece of tape and pen on the bottle or one of those liquid chalkboard pens (think Starbucks or a coffee shop). This can be milk used for daycare or when mom is away/running errands or a date night that’s coming up. You want to insure that you’re freezing milk before you hit that 8 day mark.

If/once you decide to transition your breastmilk to more long term storage (freezer/deep freezer), you want to ensure that your milk is labeled with the day it was pumped. Because that’s when its freshness timer starts.

Containers

People store in many different kinds of containers: bags, bottles, glass bottles, 1oz cubes. However you choose to store, ensure it works for your family and is something that's sustainable. I initially thought the storing in 1oz ice cubes and tossing in a freezer bag would work for my family, until I realized how much space they took up and that freezer bags are not sterile (breastmilk storage bags are sterile).

Volume

I think this is the biggest concern I see. “HOW MUCH MILK SHOULD I PUT IN THIS THING?” Most bags go up to 6oz. But, filling a bag to capacity and then freezing it takes the bag past its capacity. The milk storage bag can tear, and you won’t know until you go to defrost the milk. 

I always advise not to store in larger than 4-5 ounce increments. With the average breastfed baby taking a maximum of 4-5oz per feeding during their entire breastfeeding journey, a 4-5oz bang can be an entire feed or two. If there’s a leftover ounce or two from that bag, simply place in the refrigerator for the next feed. If you’re not going to use it any time soon, consider saving for external uses (milk baths, lotion, conditioner, etc).

Many moms have to store milk for some reason or another. Maybe they work or are a full time student. Maybe they stay at home and get the amazing opportunity to run to the Mom Spa… errr… I mean Target alone. Breastmilk storage doesn't have to be this big scary beast or anxiety inducing… thing! Hopefully, these tips help in taking one more thing off your plate!

#DaddyCanDo #MommyCanDo #PartnerCanDo

One of the most common questions/concerns I see in the online support groups I work with and in person is: “My husband/partner is concerned that if I nurse, he won’t be able to help with feedings.” While feeding a new baby is definitely an important task, it’s not the ONLY task. Baby feeding at the breast does not in any way negate the importance of the non lactating parent. Here’s a few things Dad/Mommy/Partner can do to foster a bond with baby and normalize breastfeeding!

#DaddyCanDo 

(Hashtag originally created by Nzinga Jones of Black Breastfeeding Mamas Circle) 

Daddy/Mommy/Partner can:

• Do bath time 

• Do bedtime routine

• Bring baby to Mama if not co-sleeping/bed sharing

• Watch baby while Mama showers/takes a quick nap

• Be in charge of all non-emergent doctor visits (A big one in the Clark Household)

• Wash pump parts (Daddy Clark is GREAT with this one)

• Wash bottles

• Cook dinner

• Do grocery shopping

• Do baby’s laundry

• Prep bottles for daycare

• Let Mama go first when asking “How was your day?”

• Ask how her day was

• Apologize for her day being sucky even if you didn’t have anything to do with it

• Ask her if she’s ok. All the time. Constantly. Even when she says she is, offer to help out.

• Encourage her. Tell her she’s doing a good job. Chances are, she thinks she isn’t.

• Share your T-shirts. Y’all got us in this pregnant situation, let us be comfy in your oversized shirts.

• Be open minded about breastfeeding.

• Be open minded and willing to compromise on parenting decisions.

• Hear her out.

• Don’t add to the pressures that society places on us. We have to deal with opinions about breastfeeding day in and day out. Don’t make us hear them at home. 

• Stand up for her when she’s challenged about breastfeeding or parenting in general. E S P E C I A L L Y if it’s YOUR family doing the challenging. 

• Be there. Be present. Mentally and Physically.

This woman is taking care of your child, day in and day out. That is mentally and physically taxing. MAKE SURE SHE IS OK. This is how you build a bond with your child. By ensuring his/her mother is ok.

Daddy and SonShine at his first dentist appointment (6months)

Mind Your Own Womb

The holidays can be a lonely time for those who have experienced the loss of someone they love. For the one in four women who have suffered infant loss, it can be a time of constant and back to back ripping off on the band aid. We will make plans to spend time with those we love and bask in the holiday cheer. Those we haven’t seen in a while are in town and we are intentional about making time for them. This next question may be preceded by small talk. Then, comes the inevitable question: “When are you going to have some babies?” “What are you waiting for?”, or some variation of that question.

 For us, it’s always, “DJ would be a great big brother.”

And the band aid is ripped off and exposed again. Add a little salt this time.

There’s nowhere to run or to hide. I am exposed in my most vulnerable state. I am embarrassed. I am horrified. I am enraged. I am broken.

I know people don’t understand how embarrassing this question is. I mean, you just asked me about my sex life over bacon and eggs. I haven’t taken my coat off and you’re asking me about what’s happening in my vagina. And not just my sex life, my significant others. And it’s simply none of your business. It’s also embarrassing because this comment is ALWAYS directed at the mother, implying that SHE is the reason she is not conceiving, when men contribute to 50% of global cases. Also, it suggests that my entire worth is tied to the offspring I can produce. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been a part of this family for 32 years. My educational and professional accolades don’t matter. The fact that I served my country honorably for 7 years is close, but still….. doesn’t matter because I have not produced a second child.

The rage portion of this comes from a place of brokenness. It’s the cavalier way people think they can ask about my loss. My emptiness. My Self-loathing. My Anguish. You inquire about my loss or my struggle as flippantly as you ask about the weather. Every missed opportunity to conceive, every negative pregnancy test, every miscarriage is my personal loss. And you rush right past it. There is no acknowledgement for the pregnancies lost or that never came to be. And that is infuriating. You don’t get to not contribute to our healing and inquire about our most painful experiences. We are angry at our circumstance and angry at our wombs and angry…… that you don’t see. You see, we carry this agony with us every day. You can hear it in our voices, see it in our eyes. And you haven’t stopped to notice.

We’ve become so accustom to this village mentality without actually behaving as a village. The short and sweet? We don’t want to discuss the inner workings (or lack thereof) of our reproductive systems.

The short and sweet?

Mind your own womb.

*This blog post is written in remembrance and in honor of Angel Baby #2. You would’ve been three years old November 29, 2019. (Which is how long it’s taken Mommy to finish this post). We love and miss you every day.*

~ Love Always, your parents, David & Nichelle Clark Sr.

The Importance of Breastfeeding Friendly Child Care

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 90.8 percent of the 33.6 million families with children have at least one working parent. Working mothers make up 71.5 percent of the workforce, with 65.1 percent of those mothers having children younger than 6 years old (within the natural age of weaning). While there are no statistics on how many of these mothers are breastfeeding, for those that do, finding breastfeeding friendly child care can make or break a breastfeeding journey.  Here are 5 tips on what to look for in a child care provider for the breastfeeding family.

1. Are they knowledgeable on breastmilk handling? Different states have different guidelines on how long milk can be served after sitting out or if it can be saved. But, does your provider facility understand that sometimes breastmilk separates and that doesn’t mean it’s spoiled? Do they understand that it may differ in color (“watery” milk, blue milk, etc.)

2. Are they knowledgeable about paced bottle feeding? All babies should be pace bottle fed. And for breastfeeding babies, this ensures that the flow of the bottle imitates that of the breast. This means that baby is held in an upright position, with the bottle being held parallel to the floor. This allows baby to draw bottle nipple in and control the pace of the feed, with the average feed lasting 10-20mins. Pace feeding aids baby in consuming appropriate volume of milk (limits overfeeding and underfeeding). This is extremely important for the working breastfeeding mom as pump output during the work day should be enough to sustain baby while separated. Overfeeding places undue stress on mom to send or make more milk that she simply doesn’t have. Underfeeding can cause mom to reduce pump sessions or store the milk instead of feeding it to baby.

3. Do they understand normal baby behavior? This is another that’s standard for all babies. Sometimes, breastfed babies get a bad rap for being clingy, fussy, or always wanting the boob. But, the truth is, that’s all normal baby behavior. Babies want to be held, they want to be soothed, they want to be comforted. Often times, in breastfed babies, normal baby behavior is attributed to fussiness and moms breast milk not being enough.And is most often times, not true.

4. Do they feed on demand? Breastfed babies should be fed on demand, mimicking how they would feed at the breast. This could mean every 2 hours or every 3 hours. Or 2hrs and 16min one feeding and 3hrs the next. The goal is to be flexible and patient with baby's needs.

5. Are they pushy with solids? This is a big read flag. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months. Introduction of solids (anything that is not breastmilk or formula) is a decision made between parents and care providers should not use coercive tactics to lead parents. Care providers should honor and respect parents feeding decisions for their child.

Good child care is hard to find and expensive. But it is still a service; a service that you pay for and a service that should have the best interest of the client at heart. By communicating needs and expectations clearly and upfront, it can save all parties the headache and heartache of miscommunications.

References: 1. https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/famee.pdf 2. https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ 3. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/e827

7 Tips for Surviving The Holidays for Pumping Moms

Ahhhh…… winter! We get Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, and New Year’s Day.  Tis the Season to be jolly and for unsolicited breastfeeding advice. Well-meaning family and friends will offer to hold or watch the baby so you can “rest”, complain about how your baby eats all the time, and ask you to cover or get annoyed when you leave the room to nurse or pump.

While there’s plenty of information as it relates to nursing, here are seven tips for surviving holiday gatherings for Pumping Moms:

Pack light. One would think that since you’re doing so much traveling you would want to big your big guns. Opt to leave your double electric in the car and go with a manual. There are tons of YouTube videos on the manuals on the market. You can pump discreetly (or indiscreetly, depending on your comfort level) with a nursing cover or receiving blanket and will still have one hand free.

Opt for collection bottles over bags. Unless you’re using bags with screw on tops (Kiinde & Tommee Tippee), opt for bottles to store your milk while at events and bag once home or back at the hotel. No one wants a spilled bag of milk in the diaper bag or to have to step away to bag and tag.

Bring minimal frozen milk with you. So much potential for waste here that you really only want to bring the bare minimum. This will also deter you from skipping pump breaks as you’ll need that milk to feed.

Change your valves and membranes before you go and bring a spare. Changing your parts before you go allows you to ensure optimal pump effectiveness and check the flanges, tubing, backflow protectors, etc. for cracks and tears. Keeping a spare prepares you for the worse. It may also be wise to check and see if any local stores sell replacement parts for your pump.

Maintain firm boundaries. If your baby hasn’t started solids (6 months and ALL signs of readiness), it’s perfectly ok to politely, but firmly decline. Make it firm enough that they don’t ask again.

Demonstrate and practice paced bottle feeding. It’s inevitable that SOMEONE, or many someones, will offer to feed the baby while you eat, rest, or just because. Ensure you demonstrate how to hold baby and bottle while feeding. And as always, you can just decline. You are not obligated to let others feed your baby.

And last, but definitely not least, TAKE YOUR SCHEDULED PUMP BREAKS! I knowwwwww…. Everyone’s having fun and you have to step away to pump or set up your manual pump. But, I promise you, it’s worth it. In addition to your baby needing that milk to eat, mastitis, engorgement, and clogged ducts are NOT FUN. The last thing you want is the stress of low supply.

No matter how you spend your holidays, maintaining milk supply will always a concern for breastfeeding mothers. Hopefully, our tips help out.

Have any tips or tricks that worked for you during the holiday season? Share them below!