A few months ago, I was a guest on a podcast episode, created by a friend and breastfeeding mom, Yolanda Williams of Conscious Parenting Time and the Parenting Decolonized Podcast . We had an amazing conversation about Black History in breastfeeding and how Black Parents are creating their own. Listen here!
On Our Own Terms
In my last blog post, we touched on the dark past of Black Breastfeeding in the United States. One of the painful parts of our past has been wet nursing. However, Black Moms are taking back their power and seeking to craft a new portrayal of the act; one birthed from a place of love, respect, and consent.
Donor milk sharing is nothing new. Organizations like Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HBANA), Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB), and Eats on Feets offer donor milk options. HM4HB and Eats on Feets offer informal milk sharing, also known as peer to peer milk sharing, while HMBANA mainly services NICUs, hospitals, and milk banks around the country.
Certified Lactation Counselor (CLC) Jimeika Brown of Mamma’s Golden Milk Lactation Services saw a need and created a space. She created Breastmilk Donation for Black Mothers, a peer to peer milk sharing Facebook group. The groups “About” section notes that it is a group for “Women of Color, who would love to give and/or continue to give their children breastmilk.”, also noting that they understand that some women “may need help continuing their breastfeeding journey with the help of donor milk.” Jimeika shares a story of a Black Mother she met who asked for donor milk in a predominantly White breastfeeding group. The group was a buy/sell/trade group and the Black Mom simply couldn't afford to buy it and had nothing to trade. “I saw screenshots. It was so heartbreaking. The way that they were speaking to her was like she was the lowest of the low because she couldn't afford to buy the milk. And it bothered me SO much, especially as a Black Woman. Because here’s a Black Woman asking a White Woman for breast milk… I mean, it’s bad enough we have to get over that barrier and feelings and trauma that we hold with that, but to shame her…” After that, Jimeika knew what she had to do. She created the group and purchased a few breastfeeding related items as giveaways, to encourage a sense of community in the group. “To see all of us helping each other….. And I wanted it to be about MORE than donation. There were moms who thought they suffered from low supply as well...” With her training as a CLC, Jimeika was able to get moms the resources they needed.
That was in June of 2017. Two years later, Jimeika’s group is a safe haven for more than 2,500 Black Moms.
As a Donor Mom myself, I’ve donated to multiple parents of all races and ethnicities. I was even granted the extreme honor and privilege of donating my milk to my niece, appropriately named, Love. Stranger or not, it was always an act of love. As an Exclusively Pumping Mom, I understood the mental and emotional toll breastfeeding can take. Add that to concerns about your child's health or how you were going to feed them, I could sympathize and empathize with these moms, known and unknown. I reached out in Breastmilk Donation for Black Mothers Group and asked some of the other moms, donors and donees alike, what their experience with milk sharing was like.
“My first daughter spent 22 days in the NICU and passed. I donated because… she wasn't there and this was the only way I could…. be closer I guess. I also saw a 2lb baby and several others thriving from breast milk and I know how important it is. I have nursed three other babies. Recently, a friend asked me to help her feed her baby. They were both frustrated and she just asked me to feed him. It made me feel empowered and connected. A house full of people and no one flinched. With my friend, I felt really good afterwards because I was able to help her in that moment. I’ve also received donor milk because I had to go out of town abruptly. Dad kept saying not to worry, but that stressed me even more. When I got that milk it was like I could breathe again.” - Tai, Rainbow Mom of 5
“My twin girls were delivered premature at 34 weeks and they spent about a month in the NICU. When I realized I had an oversupply, I knew in my heart I wanted other NICU babies to have the best start possible, just like my girls.” [If you’ve ever nursed another baby at the breast, what inspired you?] “I don’t know about inspiration. I didn’t even give it a second thought. She was hungry and wouldn't take a bottle. It was a family member’s baby. I just knew it was what I would want someone to do if it were my child.” - Rachel, Twin Mom
“We were in a department store; Mom was frustrated and the baby couldn't get a good latch. I offered to help and she left me. We went to a dressing room and as I began to show her, we both noticed her baby’s cries had triggered MY letdown. She asked me if it would be too weird to nurse her baby. I obliged. She said she felt better that her baby was actually able to nurse and that they just needed to work on it. I felt happy to help and proud that we both saw milk sharing as normal and ok.” - Milliche, 3 Time Breastfeeding #GirlMom
For Black breastfeeding mothers, it's important that the story of mothering, of breastfeeding, of womanhood doesn't end with what you read in a history book (or what you don’t). It’s important that the story is told by those living it. It is important that the experiences of Black Women not be marginalized and our traumas not simply paraded out for Black History or Black Breastfeeding Week soundbites.
It is important that you believe Black Women. It is important that you trust Black Women.
But for Black Women, it’s MOST important that we believe, believe in, and trust OURSELVES.
We are not subject to Black History. We ARE Black History.
February 6, 2020 11:39am: edited to update infographic on Four Pillars. Proper attribution to Eats on Feets noted.
New Years Resolution 2020
As we enter 2020, I’ll admit, I had no resolutions. I didn’t even manage to get my “Year in Review” out in time (still haven't done it). We were 5 days into the New Year before I finally decided what my resolution is.
I’ve decided that this year, I will be more mindful of my professional recommendations and in my interactions with my clients. Yesterday, I was doing my monthly laundry sorting for my 2 year old. Once a month, I hang all his clothes as outfits so that Daddy and I can just grab a hanger and go. Also, I don’t have to worry about any creative Dad outfits that don’t match or are too small. Biweekly, I roll socks and t-shirts. This process just works for our busy lifestyles. On my personal Facebook page, I’m always sharing my parenting hacks, fails, and blunders; I’m pretty transparent that way. I wanted to triumphantly post that we’d survived another month of the Clothing Haul.
And then, I stopped.
Sorting your child’s clothing and only having to do it once a month is a GREAT IDEA….. For parents who have enough clothes for their child to do so. For parents who work as hard as I do or harder and have other responsibilities, it is completely insensitive and tone deaf.
My privilege was showing. And I began to wonder if my privilege shows in the way I practice.
And so, this year, my resolution is to keep mindfulness at the forefront of my practice. I want to be very cognizant of the evidence-based advice I’m sharing, while ensuring the counseling portion of it doesn’t get thrown by the wayside. In a country that does not offer mandated or paid maternity and paternity leave, evidence based guidance to not pump for the first six weeks postpartum does nothing to help that family when Mom has to return to work at 2 weeks. For a client who’s insurance doesn’t cover the cost of a visit and they are paying out of pocket, see a LC comes off as tone deaf. Let Daddy care for baby while you take time to relax is useless self care advice for a single parent. In cultures where family plays a huge roll, “tell them that you’re the parent!” does nothing, but add more stressed to new parents.
Used with permission from Kristin Cavuto, LCSW, IBCLC
I want to inspire my clients and assist them in whatever their goals may be. I want to provide best practice and evidence based research while applying it practically. I want to advocate for the working class and the non working class. I want to serve. The need for evidence based care does not negate the need for empathy, sympathy, and compassion based care.
I believe that as lactation professionals, we have to hold ourselves to a certain standard. In order to affect change, we must be willing and able to serve. We must be willing to meet our clients exactly where they are and help them get to where THEY want to be, not where our education tells us they should or could be. I’d like to think that I'm a pretty good counselor and clinician. I listen to my clients, I’m open-minded and I walk in to every consult ready and willing to serve. However, that doesn’t mean there isn't room for improvement. And in 2020, I am reminded that I need to hold myself responsible for checking my privilege.
#DaddyCanDo #MommyCanDo #PartnerCanDo
One of the most common questions/concerns I see in the online support groups I work with and in person is: “My husband/partner is concerned that if I nurse, he won’t be able to help with feedings.” While feeding a new baby is definitely an important task, it’s not the ONLY task. Baby feeding at the breast does not in any way negate the importance of the non lactating parent. Here’s a few things Dad/Mommy/Partner can do to foster a bond with baby and normalize breastfeeding!
#DaddyCanDo
(Hashtag originally created by Nzinga Jones of Black Breastfeeding Mamas Circle)
Daddy/Mommy/Partner can:
• Do bath time
• Do bedtime routine
• Bring baby to Mama if not co-sleeping/bed sharing
• Watch baby while Mama showers/takes a quick nap
• Be in charge of all non-emergent doctor visits (A big one in the Clark Household)
• Wash pump parts (Daddy Clark is GREAT with this one)
• Wash bottles
• Cook dinner
• Do grocery shopping
• Do baby’s laundry
• Prep bottles for daycare
• Let Mama go first when asking “How was your day?”
• Ask how her day was
• Apologize for her day being sucky even if you didn’t have anything to do with it
• Ask her if she’s ok. All the time. Constantly. Even when she says she is, offer to help out.
• Encourage her. Tell her she’s doing a good job. Chances are, she thinks she isn’t.
• Share your T-shirts. Y’all got us in this pregnant situation, let us be comfy in your oversized shirts.
• Be open minded about breastfeeding.
• Be open minded and willing to compromise on parenting decisions.
• Hear her out.
• Don’t add to the pressures that society places on us. We have to deal with opinions about breastfeeding day in and day out. Don’t make us hear them at home.
• Stand up for her when she’s challenged about breastfeeding or parenting in general. E S P E C I A L L Y if it’s YOUR family doing the challenging.
• Be there. Be present. Mentally and Physically.
This woman is taking care of your child, day in and day out. That is mentally and physically taxing. MAKE SURE SHE IS OK. This is how you build a bond with your child. By ensuring his/her mother is ok.
Daddy and SonShine at his first dentist appointment (6months)